FREE DOWNLOAD ♠ Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) ⚆ Franzbielmeier.de

Meh I firmly believe that I might have to re evaluate and recalibrate my sense of humour after reading this book Well, humour is rather a subjective one akin to how reviews are also perceived, aye It was indeed quite difficult for me to rate this memoir as I find it rather grating, hyperbolic, and solipsistic yet hilarious in some spots albeit not quite what I had expected it to be Lawson has this odd sense of humour which most readers might relate to, but only partially for me, since her wavelength definitely didn t coincide with mine The laugh out loud moments are distributed sparsely However, most parts of this memoir didn t trigger the guffaw factor that I would get from reading and enjoying a Peanuts comic strip or watching shows or movies like in the Kingsman The Secret Service as well as other favourites which I definitely adore namely Mr Bean both the original and animated one , Pingu, Courage The Cowardly Dog, The Little Lulu Show, Dexter s Laboratory especially the Omelette du Fromage story , and 2 Broke Girls to name a few Honestly, this memoir didn t blew my socks off but there are, surely, parts that are worthy to be remembered for its golden nugget of wisdomBecause I can finally see that all the terrible parts of my life, the embarrassing parts, the incidents I wanted to pretend never happened, and the things that make me weird and different, were actually the most important parts of my life They were the parts that made me me And this was the very reason I decided to tell this storyto celebrate the strange, to give thanks for the bizarre Because you are defined not by life s imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them Because there is joy in embracing rather than running screaming from the utter absurdity of lifeDespite the random ruminations and seemingly coerced humour, it s neither a bad nor great read either, but I do find it to be as dull as a ditchwater and it s just bloody me So, folks, we have to agree to disagree Note that there are hilarious moments to wit 1 Rambo the racoon hobos and Daffodil the duck poor duck 2 having a sex concussion 3 artificially inseminating a cow with turkey baster 4 HR stories r sum showing that someone worked at Helping Hand Jobs and asking employees about Is this your penis 5 yoga farting 6 extra strength laxative vs the Pepto Bismol 7 chasing vultures away with a machete.By the way, before you pick up the audiobook version, think again Just 10 minutes in and I already gave up Why Because the author sounded like a hormonal, cutesy, high school teenager with way over the top performance As my final PSA, I would rather happily grate my favourite cheese on a six pack or eight pack abdominals of a smokin hot guy basking in the sun rather than grate my auditory canals and further subject myself to the author s nerve racking voice Now if you ll excuse me, I might need to get in touch with my otorhinolaryngologist for a comprehensive examination of my ears for I dread the fact that that ten minute audiobook immersion alone was enough for my auditory system to go haywire further resulting to my eardrums getting perforated Let s just pretend I ve never read this, but well, it did happen Sheesh A vacillating 2 to 3 stars, but will settle for a 2 Audiobook rating narrated by Jenny Lawson Narrative voice style Vocal characterisation Inflexion intonation Voice quality Audiobook verdict Don t bother In short It is exhausting being me. Jenny Lawson the Bloggess has lit up the literary scene with her debut novel Let s Pretend This Never Happened.Jenny lives the sort of life where well hmm maybe you will just have to read this book yourself I really don t think I have anything that can adequately sum this one upLet s just say if you are a fan of taxidermied animals, heavily awkward moments, vindictive post it note wars, crippling anxiety and frank talks about bodily functions, then this book is for you A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried Because they re the ones who helped you put them there. And the humor Oh there is no way to adequately convey Jenny s source of humor it was just absolutely perfect for me Really knocked it out of the park I really enjoyed Jenny s take on the world.She has had her fair share of heart stopping, heart wrenching and jaw dropping moments and yet, when she reflects on them, she says And I appreciated her frank talk about mental illness I feel like that is a subject all too easily and too often glossed over in books It s refreshing and truly wonderful to have a book that does not hold back One moment I m perfectly fine and the next I feel a wave of nausea, then panic Then I can t catch my breath and I know I m about to lose control and all I want to do is escape Except that the one thing I can t escape from is the very thing I want to run away from me. All in all, I really couldn t have enjoyed this bookEvery note was just perfectly done I adored it from cover to cover Knock knock, motherfucker. YouTube Blog Instagram Twitter Snapchat miranda.reads Happy Reading FREE DOWNLOAD ☾ Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) ⚖ When Jenny Lawson Was Little, All She Ever Wanted Was To Fit In That Dream Was Cut Short By Her Fantastically Unbalanced Father A Professional Taxidermist Who Created Dead Animal Hand Puppets And A Childhood Of Wearing Winter Shoes Made Out Of Used Bread Sacks It Did, However, Open Up An Opportunity For Lawson To Find The Humor In The Strange Shame Spiral That Is Her Life, And We Are All The Better For ItLawson S Long Suffering Husband And Sweet Daughter Are The Perfect Comedic Foils To Her Absurdities, And Help Her To Uncover The Surprising Discovery That The Most Terribly Human Moments The Ones We Want To Pretend Never Happened Are The Very Same Moments That Make Us The People We Are TodayLet S Pretend This Never Happened Is A Poignantly Disturbing, Yet Darkly Hysterical Tome For Every Intellectual Misfit Who Thought They Were The Only Ones To Think The Things That Lawson Dares To Say Out Loud Like Laughing At A Funeral, This Book Is Both Irreverent And Impossible To Hold Back Once You Get Started Skull and crossbones on this one if you re easily offended So no whiners, okay I mean it Just.no whining This is the most hilarious vagina memoir ever written Okay, so technically it s not just about vaginas, but she mentions hersoften than anyone I ve ever known who actually owns one And besides, I had to throw that out there right at the start, so if you re going to get all upset you can just get it overwith and stay away from the book Should you choose to read it anyway, don t come back to me all complainy about how crass she is Oh, and also This book is not suitable for people who dislike frequent interjections of words beginning with f and ending with u c k And I mean with no letters in between the f and the u c k, so firetruck doesn t count So just to be clear To my knowledge there is no use of the word firetruck in this memoir You ve been warned NB Jenny s dad is a taxidermist, so there are also a lot of dead animals in this memoir But there are some adorable live ones, too Especially if you like robertcats I know, most people call them bobcats, but I prefer to use robertcat until we get to know each other better So be impressed This book is chock full of curse words, and I managed to write my review without officially using any of them. JENNY LAWSON ATTACKED ME WITH A MACHETE OK, so I have never met Jenny Lawson, and she didn t attack me with an actual machete, but I m being metaphorical here, y all.Because reading Jenny Lawson s book made me feel as if I were being beaten with some kind of weapon, and it may as well have been a machete Which is a word she uses in her book She also likes the words chupacabra and vagina And numerous swear words She also likes postscripts Lots of them.But back to the machete I opened my review this way to demonstrate how Jenny has written her memoir She will say something totally exaggerated and in a hysterical voice, and then she tells a 30 minute story, after which you realize the thing that actually happened has nothing to do with what she claimed happened.For example, when Jenny says I was attacked by a bear last night What she really means is I saw a stray cat by the pool When Jenny says I was mauled by a pack of wild dogs What she means is The neighbor s pet was excited to see me When Jenny says I was stabbed in the face by a serial killer She means The cat sat on my head while I was asleep Halfway through the book, I realized Jenny Lawson is a fabulist and a narcissist.Put another way, Jenny Lawson is a very successful blogger I think the terms have become interchangeable.Here is a quote from one of Jenny s chapters, in which she shares ridiculous and inappropriate emails to a coworker that she never actually sent It is exhausting being me.Yes, Jenny, I understand that I was exhausted just reading your book.At this point I need to clarify, as Jenny often does after she has made an absurd statement, that there are some funny stories here Jenny had a wackadoo childhood in rural Texas, and her dad liked to drag dead animals home and scare her in the middle of the night But after about 50 pages I recognized the template of her storytelling, and the repetitiveness of it wore me down I considered abandoning the book, but so many friends had liked it that I wanted to push through.A few stories are quieter than the rest, such as when her beloved dog died, or when she relates her struggles with anxiety and depression, but there is always an undercurrent of mania Most of the book is exaggerated fluff, which is fine for a blog, but I don t need it in book form. editedwith content watch your fucking back, sloane crosleythis lady is funny funny, not boys tell me i am funny at parties because i am pretty funny.i am so glad that kelly read this before me and it encouraged me to pick up my ARC and get into it far earlier than i ordinarily would have BUT NOT EARLIER THAN I WOULD HAVE HAD I ACTUALLY WON THIS THROUGH THE FIRSTREADS PROGRAM, WHICH IS HOW THIS SHOULD HAVE GONE DOWN, GOODREADS STOP WITH THE SNUBBING ALREADY i had never heard of jenny lawson before, but now i can t stop thinking about her in a non creepy way i think it s hard for me to gauge my own creepiness when enthusiastic can often come across as creepy i am pretty sure i am just enthusiastic.and it wasn t love at first sight there were a couple of things in the introduction and first essay that made me wince and hope that some of the look how hard i am trying missteps would be toned down before publication i have no way of knowing whether they were well, i do, but i am lazy but there were still some genuinely funny moments, and i was on board as she recounted episodes from her childhood with her well meaning taxidermist father and thegifts and surprises he would supply for her and her sister oh, dear i mean, a lot of the stories sound wonderful and magical like having goats and porcupines and raccoons just hanging out inside the house, wandering around, but for every story featuring a raccoon in jams, there is a story about accidentally running face first into the carcass of a deer being hosed down in the backyard and vomiting inside the carcass of the deer there s no way to come back from that, really i love the fights she has with her long suffering husband, i love her love of tiny taxidermied animals in period clothing, i love her habit of uncontrollably telling inappropriate stories and lies when cornered at dinner parties, i hate all the deadly things that surround her texas home except the foxes greg will like that story.i love that i laughed so loud and hard at portions of this book that i had to be checked on because i thought you were screaming i was totally screaming.and i wet myself a little, too.it was that good.i love that she curses as much as i do and talks about her vagina frequently in many ways, we are the saaaaaame we should get a drink together wait, is that creepy whatever not a perfect book, no, but a book i liked enough that i am going to buy the hardcover because this ARC has blurry pictures that you can barely read the funny captions on, and the hardcover has these amaaazing patterned endpapers with pictures of animals on them i love it and i am waiting for the second book.call me, jenny let s taxidermify sloane crosley.that was definitely creepy shit.okay, so i thought i should give you a sense of her lunacy even though you could just go to her blog and see it, and even though it is totally illegal for me to do so since i only have the ARC, but i am kind of banking on the hope that that is one of those mattress tag laws and no one will actually come and arrest me, although i would love to see what book prison is like this isn t one of the passages that made me scream laugh, but i totally understand her concerns here, and i am frequently startled at the shit we think of..i like this part mostly because of all the caps and italics and energy jumping off the page.i ll just throw you right into it THIS IS JENNY LAWSON also, i just want to say that i think when the doctor is stitching your vagina back up for real, child free people stitching your vagina up. , i don t know why they don t throw in some cosmetic surgery while they re down there, to make it look cuter like, when my gynecologist told me that she d probably have to cut my vagina, i was all, YOU ARE A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH, and she was like, not for fun unspoken dumb assto get the baby out and i said, oh well if you re going to have to scar me, could you do it in some kind of kick ass shape like, how about a lightning bolt and she just stared at me, so i explained, you knowlike harry potter s then she just looked at me like i shit on the floor, and i thought maybe it was because the sentence structure kind of implied i was referring to harry potter s vagina, and so i clarified but not on my forehead like his was and she still didn t respond, so i pointed down and said, on my vagina then she shook her head like she d know all along i wasn t referring to harry potter s vagina, and said, uh, we don t really do that in fact, we prefer for you to tear naturally, because it heals better, and i m all, MOTHER FUCKER are you fucking serious and i kind of suspected she was just making that up because she didn t want me to have a nicer vagina than hers, because she s never had a kid and so hers was probably all perfect and cheerful, and she probably didn t want me rubbing my vagina in her face when it was all lightning bolt awesome like i would ever even do that, dr ryder. i would never rub my vagina in someone s face, even though it would be the most badass vagina in the world and whenever i have menstrual cramps i could just pretend that voldemort was close.come to my blog Overall Rating 1.5I don t know if it s specifically American problem, but let me tell you, this is one of the worst memoirs I ve read Seriously America, do you honestly find this funny O.o And I ll tell you why, I m not just saying this because of some misplaced sense of spite, ok When I first heard about this book, I was very excited it sounded like a real good reading material and it had an awesome cover to boost with too.From the very beginning though, I realized it would be far from the book I expected I have no idea who this individual Jenny Lawson is, but the whole book was one big mess, full of stories that were meant to be funny and unique but were neither Every single story felt forced and exaggerated The author couldn t stop herself from constantly reminding and insisting her childhood was unique and that she s gone through SO MUCH and so on and so on Well, be sure it s not Maybe for someone living in modern America it s rarity to have to collect water in a cistern or to have wild animals for pets, etc, etc But for the rest of the world it s daily occurrences The only thing that this book makes me want is to slap the oh, so great nation of liberty and shout GET YOURSELF TOGETHER FOR FUCK S SAKE YOU HAVE IT BETTER THAN SO MANY PEOPLE, AND STILL YOU ONLY WHINE Basically the best review I can give this book, is that as a librarian I m pretty much giddy with excitement waiting for the things people will come tell me after they ve read this book From the boring I loved that it was an honest look at mental illness and survival very true to the no seriously I can not wait YOU LET MY CHILD READ THIS AND NOW THEY WANT A DEAD SQUIRREL PUPPET and THIS BOOK IS BLASPHEMY AND READING IT KILLS PUPPIES AND KITTENS.I pretty much giggled in excitement when I won the advance copy, and then waited not really patiently to get my copy and then it came and I was away and that basically destroyed me and there was a 3 day long emotional trauma period Anyways I finally got to my copy and it was everything I wanted it to be Heart breakingly also, it tries to auto correct breakingly to lawbreaking Fitting wonderful, actually laugh out loud funny not just LOL d and hands down one of my favourite memoirs and books out there Go Buy it As soon as you can I might buy it again so I can see the pictures But then, I kind of loved that they were blurry But I m weird. If you re looking for a Sedaris alternative, this unfortunately isn t it Which kills me, because I get the feeling Lawson had the potential and raw material to knock it out of the park, but it just doesn t come together.Jenny Lawson is definitely funny When she really gets going on a story, it s pretty fantastic but that s only 10% of the book, and the remaining 90% is just awful I can t help feeling like this book was all written in a single sitting, with little editing or review It s uneven, it s all over the place, and some chapters feel like pure filler I don t need pages of imaginary post its written to her husband Victor, for instance There are lots of places where I think we re just supposed to enjoy Lawson s rapid fire babble, but it s not babble with meaning to it, it s just nonsense And that s a shame, because it means the only reason I keep reading is because I m waiting for another story like the turkeys to show up, and instead I get very tiny moments like the bobcat toss It s like Lawson forced herself into writing a memoir when she really excels at writing moments Drawback being, crafting an entire book of curated, arranged moments takes a hell of a lot of concentration and effort, while stream of consciousness nonsense is relatively easier I could do without the footnotes, which are just irritating it is hard to explain how badly footnotes work on a Kindle, but between this book and Jasper Fforde I think I could make a compelling case I could do without the editor s parentheticals which weirdly are sometimes also footnotes I could do without the long winded flourishes that loop back in on themselves when talking about absolute rubbish And that all sucks, because Lawson s childhood sounds enjoyably nuts When she actually stitches a story together, one with multiple events and a timeline, it s HILARIOUS But all too often, she s just throwing the punchline in there without much else In the end, I guess this is where I end up with LPTNH weird shit happens to everyone, but few people know how to structure the story in a way that legitimately entertains Lawson knows how to structure a story, she s just not choosing to do it most of the time Also, people are very capable of acting like crazy insane people quite frequently if you sound too pleased with how wild and crazy you are and keep thumping on about it, it can get REALLY ANNOYING I do recognize that Lawson also writes about her general anxiety disorder, and she explains that she finds herself almost incoherent in social situations and is much better on email, when she can edit But given that this is a book, it feels like a lot of the narrative flailing could have been avoided through editing We definitely get a good grasp of what it s like to be inside Lawson s head, but she finds her condition exhausting and for a whole book, so did I. First, I should mention that I listened to this one on audiobook Didn t read the text version Second, the audio version is read by the author I think Jenny did a nice job with it, too If you re used to nothing but professional audiobook narrators, there might be a few verbal ticks in here that might bug you But me For an autobiographical work like this I d much rather hear it in the author s own voice Third, she got some actual laughs out of me Not just amusement or smiles Not just chuckles Real laughs I was driving around in my car, alone, laughing like a madman Fourth, several times I sat in the car after I d finished whatever trip I was taking just to continue listening to the audiobook Fifth, driving around, listening to this audiobook, I missed the proper turnoff several times I didn t mind much, because turning around and driving back the right way gave metime to listen to the book Sixth, she made me cry reading this Three times Now admittedly, I seem to be rather soppy lately But even given my recent emotional fragility, that s a mark of good writing some good writing Seventh, the stories Jenny Lawson tells are, in turns crushingly honest, funny, witty, sweet, heartbreaking, and delightfully bizarre Lastly, I d like to say that while I ve read some of Jenny s blog, and I know of her considerably fame as The Bloggess, I didn t pick this book up because I was a fan I bought this audiobook audio because I like her, and I ve heard people say good things about it After listening to it Yeah Now I m a fan.